Nenzen and Darsana share their experiences from the inaugural meeting of VOWZ (Voices of Women in Zen), which took place last weekend at Jikoji Zen Center*. 

Monica Darsana Reede began studying and practicing Zen in the early 1990’s at Minnesota Zen Meditation Center in Minneapolis, MN. She received Jukai in 2006 and is currently preparing for ordination under the guidance of Ben Connelly. During her many years with MZMC she was involved in everything from maintaining the gardens, overseeing their extensive library, participating in and leading study groups, teaching classes, giving talks and being a member of the Board of Directors. In 2015 she relocated from Minneapolis to Ojai, CA and was fortunate to find her new Zen home with the Santa Barbara Zen Center, and where she now sits on the Board..

Pamela Chōbun Nenzen Brown was introduced to sitting practice by a high school teacher but didn’t stay seated with Zen practice until 2016 when she encountered Santa Barbara Zen Center. She received Jukai from Sensei Gary Janka Koan in 2017. She was ordained in 2020 by Shoho Michael Newhall, in the lineage of Kobun Chino Otogawa Roshi, at Jikoji Zen Center. She currently serves as Board President of Santa Barbara Zen Center, having served a prior 3-year term as Board Treasurer.

Full Transcript

Thank you everyone for being here. It's just kind of delicious to see you for me. Today Darshana and I are going to talk about our recent experience with the inaugural meeting of vows, the voices of women in Zen. I will speak about the origin and the offering of vows and Darshana will speak to why we study the women's lineage and the ritual that was enacted for the first time at vows.

In keeping with the spirit of vows, I want to start with the story of one of our matriarchs. This is the story of Sujata. As you all know, Gautama, also known as Shakyamuni Buddha, had already discovered suffering old age and death, and had tried to cope with the truth of change and impermanence in our human experience with massive distractions. He had sensual gratification, and that didn't work. So he went on to total deprivation, and that didn't work. So he went to incredible extremes and entered into the most grueling of all practices and ascetic practice, and he did that for six years.

At this point, at which he met Sujata, he is described as follows. He looked like death. Birds were nesting in his beard. Grass was growing in through his sitting mat. And one could see his spine through his belly. I really like these visuals, just as they describe the moment before he met our matriarch, Sujata.

Sujata's backstory is this. She was a young woman who wanted a husband of equal rank and a son. In modern parlance, I would say, she didn't want to settle. She wanted an equal, and she had waited for many years for her partner to come, but it hadn't happened. One of her friends, one of her friends' elders in her village told her to go to a Sujata banyan tree and to make an offering to this tree. This tree is near the Naranjara River. And they told her to pray to the tree god there. She did so. And a short while later, she was married to a young man. They had a lovely son.

Sujata was incredibly grateful for her life and decided to fulfill her gratitude by giving homage to that tree every year. At a set time, she would go to the tree and make an offering in gratitude. Her offering was rice milk. It's kind of like a pudding, I'm told. She also said that Sujata was an incredibly intelligent woman. And she had devised a rather elaborate method to get the sweetest and most nourishing milk from her thousand head of cows. So she made the most nourishing milk rice in town, apparently.

And one day, she woke from a dream. And in that dream, she understood that she was supposed to go make her offering that day, not wait for the annual date to come around. It was going to be today. And she heeded the dream. She asked her servant, Puna, to go to the banyan tree and to prepare a place for the offering. Just as Sujata was preparing the milk rice, Puna came back and said to her, the banyan tree god is sitting at the foot of the tree. You can imagine she's pretty excited about this because she got the opportunity to go thank the tree god in person with her gratitude.

So she mindfully prepared her milk rice offering and she finished preparing it by selecting a golden bowl, a very special golden bowl. And that's where she put her offering. She took the milk rice in the golden bowl and went to the banyan tree where Sujata saw a holy man serenely in meditation. She bowed with respect and said, Lord, accept my donation of milk rice. May you be successful in obtaining your wishes, as I have been.

Gautama, Shakyamuni, ate the milk rice and then he bathed in the river. When he finished eating and bathing, he took the golden bowl, took it to the river and said, if I am to succeed in becoming a Buddha today, let this bowl float upstream. Well, the golden bowl floated upstream. And the story goes a little further and says the golden bowl floated upstream and kept in the middle of the river, which I kind of love, as it floated upstream. Later that day, Shakyamuni sat down underneath that same tree, determined to awaken, and six days later, his wish was granted. And Sujata and her son later became his followers.

I offered this story at our Vows gathering. Each of us offered a story from the matriarchs. And we each offered our responses, like, why does Sujata speak to me? So I want to tell you, I appreciate this story on several levels. First, the story illuminates the power of listening carefully to life's hints, that gratitude, which is at the heart of our practice, and that the female was vital to the Buddha's awakening. The listening part was Sujata listened and honored her own dream instinct. She didn't say, I'll wait for the annual date to roll around. She said, okay, I hear it. I'll do it. So Gautama listened and foreshadowed his own awakening, the path of the middle way, madhyapada.

Second, the story also illuminates the gratitude is at the heart of our practice. The Buddha's awakening arose out of Sujata's gratitude for her own good fortune. And through her dedication to remembering her own good fortune, Shakyamuni became the Buddha through her expression of gratitude. So female input was vital to the Buddha's awakening and Gautama understood that Sujata's offering was deeply meaningful. In fact, her golden bowl was kind of a divining rod or object for his own awakening. So he saw floating upstream, kind of to confirm his own awakening was going to happen.

By the way, no version of Sujata's story is there a comment that she was disappointed not to find the tree god. I think that's really interesting. And I really appreciate that she was willing to meet what was there and not be disappointed by what was not there. This, just this, is awakening. Finally, I very personally relate to the fact that the Buddha's awakening began with a good meal and a bath. Because they seem essential to me too.

So on the weekend, the founding mothers of vows gathered at Jikoji Zen Center, we told our matriarchal stories. This meeting came after many months of musing and planning and collaborating. Over those days we explored the women's experience in Zen practice. We brought in and honored our matriarchal ancestors. We enacted a ritual, especially created for vows. We experienced each other very intimately through an exercise that Monica led us in. And perhaps the most profound and fulfilling part of the entire process from the beginning of vows, which I'll speak about in a minute, to that ritual, which was the end of our vows weekend, was the way we collaborated with each other.

All I can tell you is that it was incredibly playful, the whole thing, even when we didn't think the same thing should happen, there was never any I in it. It was just playful and collaborative. And we always got to a place where we were, oh yeah, that's what should happen. So we naturally formed a community. And we felt charged with a deep sense of awe and respect and responsibility. And we were naturally loyal to one other. It just was no question. We were dedicated to approaching all of our encounters through the eyes of compassion and non separation and the entire venture was without an I. Even though we were all separately there, it felt that there was no I. This is a very profound experience, just we.

So the history of vows began a few years ago when I noticed that when I heard the Dharma expressed through women's mouths, that there was something in their expression that resonated with me deeply mirroring something that I couldn't even put my finger on. It was consistent enough that while not a causation didn't happen with every woman, there was definitely a correlation. And I want to say that there was absolutely nothing missing when I hear my Dharma brothers and teachers speak, nothing missing there. It's just that there was something that I was hearing, seeing, tasting, touching that wanted to be heard, seen, tasted and touched when a woman spoke. Maybe it's just because I'm in this body. I don't know. But there it was.

Well, when I spoke about this first to Emi actually many years ago I spoke to Emi about it and she said, yes. And, you know, I talked about it a little bit to a few people. Monica, one of them. She said, yes. And eventually, somewhere, either right before or after my ordination, I said it to Michael Shoho Newhall my preceptor. And he said, yes. So I got a lot of encouragement in this direction. And I realized I wanted to talk to other women about what it means, not just to wear these robes because that wasn't the main thing. That's a big deal, but it's not the main thing. The main thing is what does it mean to be a woman in this practice. What is it I was hearing, seeing, tasting, touching. What is that? And what can we offer as women?

I'd already discovered that nearly all those end stories are about men, by the way. Almost all of them and almost all the koans are about men. What do I have to make and every woman has to make an extra effort to understand my gender within the context of those teachings? Am I a woman? Does it make a difference if I'm a woman? Does it matter? Could there be some way to embrace my gender without it getting in the way of Zen practice? How do other women do this? How do we make the system whole for men and for women?

So I asked Emi and Monica and Carolyn Dilley and Paula Arai to help bring vows into being. And each of these women said, yes. Each of them lent their voices to the creation of the entire endeavor, a mission statement, and then the programming for the weekend. Our programming included three sections, a profound connection experience that we had with Monica. I can't even describe that. And a koan-like question period about what it is to be a woman in Zen practice and also shared stories about the Matriarchs.

Then on Sunday morning, just as the sun was rising, we invited all the men at Jikoji to join us. So we enacted in that moment a ritual, created for vows and in honor of the women's lineage, empowering each and all of us, which includes, of course, you. So Monica is now going to speak to that ritual and why we study the women's lineage. And then you'll come back to me and I'll give you a conclusion. Thank you.

Hi, everybody. So I just want to thank Pamela for all that she did to get this organization started. And first, I'm just going to read what Paula. So Paula Arai joined us in creating this, worked very closely with Pamela and Carolyn Dilley to create the ritual. For those of you who don't know her, she's quite an expert in this field. And she's written several books on women in Zen, both in nuns in Japan and lay women who have enacted rituals. And so she kind of works with and works to honor and celebrate, especially women who are devoting themselves to practice that is outside the norm, outside the monastery. It could be in a nunnery, but also lay women and so creating their own rituals and practice. And so she helped us do that, too. And so first I'm going to read what she wrote, and then I'm going to talk a little bit about why it's important. Well, I believe it's important to study the women ancestors for all of us, not just women.

So first I'm going to go to Paula's words. So she starts out by saying, through the ages, women have congregated around tables and altars to share their wisdom and empower themselves to respond to the vicissitudes of life with compassion. They need no one's permission to do so. Many consciously understood and others intuited that communally creating and engaging in rituals is a powerful way to embody values and commitments. In a long line of women, each woman now brings all the wisdom she has gathered in her bones to the ritual we created for vows, voices of women in Zen. As the ritual honors and thanks all preceding women, the women who enact the ritual are empowered. The ritual is illuminated by the lustrous historical roots as their contributions traversed India, China, Japan and into the West, empowering women as they transformed in each cultural milieu.

The ritual fills the space in our hearts and community with female Buddhas and enlightened beings. Vows begins with offerings of light, scent and flowers, each activating vital qualities. Light illuminates the space with wisdom, incense and lavender buds, release the fragrance of compassion. Lotus blossoms herald the womb of enlightenment. Invoking Prajnaparamita, the mother of all Buddhas, puts everyone involved in the ritual into the presence of the source of enlightened being, inviting each person to be ever aware and in touch with the Buddha nature that animates all life. By proclaiming out loud in each other's presence, we activate our wise and compassionate nature.

In paying homage to our ancestors, we vivify our gratitude to the countless women before us, naming 18 women representatives from India, China, Japan and the West, reflecting the historical and cultural journey of Buddhist women. We chant homage to them in the melodies that transport us to their worlds. We begin with the Indian melody to express homage and gratitude to our Indian mothers. As the Buddhist tradition transformed in the Chinese cultural context, the melody is transposed into a pentatonic scale. The Japanese integrated the Sinicized Buddhist practice, so the melody is the same.

Indicating the movement to the Western context, the melody is transposed into a Western scale. Saying the names of the representative women is particularly poignant in our time. Each woman present manifests their agency through their offerings, and having invoked all Buddhist women across time, the jewel net of our interdependent being is highlighted. To recognize that we are all together in this precious womb, each a precious pearl of luminous beauty, we pass the pearl one to another as we see each other deeply with the heart. We are each unique with specific qualities and characteristics, and this is our perfection, like the natural pearl we offer around the circle before offering it to the altar table. In doing so, we affirm Dogen's teaching, all the universe is one bright pearl.

The arc of the ritual has moved from becoming present with each of our offerings, recognizing we are in a long stream of women from around the world, and seeing the preciousness of our wombs. We now gather our wisdom and compassion in full blossom, connecting our bodies in the circle of wisdom and compassion in our midst, demonstrating that we are an integral part of the interdependent flow of phenomenal reality. Performing and witnessing this ritual infuses us with determination and strength as we are reminded, renewed, and fortified that we are a circle of interdependence, committed to being vectors of wisdom and compassion in the world.

So that's what Paula offered to us and what we enacted in our ritual. And at some point, I'm sure we will reenact that to our Santa Barbara community too. But in the meantime, we have this document and we have some documentation of our first attempt. I don't know if that's going to be made public. It was beautiful and needs a little bit refining, but it was very moving to participate in that.

And so now, Pamela, should I just go into my part? So in reflecting on why we studied the Buddhist ancestors, I put together some words of my own. So I want to share that with you. And some of you were there last week and you heard some of this, but I will repeat it and add to it and see what happens.

So the question comes, why is it important to study the women ancestors? And as Pamela said, what is it about women's voices that are maybe different or add something different to our teachings? And, you know, excuse me. I mean, the first and most obvious reason is because they were there. They were in millennia. They were a part of this whole stream of Buddhist practice that came to us. And so, but for the most part, they were left out of the historical record, at least beyond their time, because many of the women were in the record of their time. And many of them were in positions of power.

And in speaking, you know, we brought some stories. You know, there's many stories, but each of us, just the four women that participated, brought stories and they included Sujata, which Pamela said. Maoshun Laoran, who was the abbot of a large temple, taught men and women, gave talks and teachings to the emperor of the time. She had a very high position. And she is actually one that's mentioned by Dogen later. She's Chinese. And then another member brought in the story of Maoshun, who was the keeper of the... What would you call it? It was called the guest house. The guest house. Thank you. Keeper of the guest house for her teacher. So the students would come and stay there. And she overheard one day, or she was told of the story of some pilgrims that came to see her teacher. And, you know, to cut the long story short, she basically corrected their understanding. And they all became enlightened and followed her, followed her teachings.

So she had... And then another story was Punika, who was a slave girl who gave her wisdom to a Brahmin, someone in a much higher caste. And he also recognized her wisdom and wanted to study with her. And she said, no, pointed her to the Buddha. And so these are women of all different positions in society, different castes, different levels of accomplishment within the context of their world. But they are in our lineage, too. And their stories exist because... Largely because women of our time, of the 20th century, have dug them up and documented them and created... You know, now there's several books available for us to read and they keep coming. There's lots of... So there's... These women exist enough for us to find them. And there are countless other women who were not written about, that were not mentioned and were forgotten.

And so we at Vows, we aspire to continue this work and continue to honor the women that have come before us and the women of our time so that their names are still spoken and still remembered for future generations. But as important as this is, it's not the only reason to study the women ancestors. It's important to correct past inadequacies, discrimination and cultural baggage. But the other reason, and I think the most important reason in my mind, is because it's not because they were there, but because we are here. We, all of us, men and women, just as each of us is born of a man and a woman, so too our lineage has matriarchal and patriarchal branches. So we're working to incorporate, not create something new, but incorporate what's been missing. To flesh out and fill out the whole story of our lineage.

And if the whole of the phenomenal universe is the Dharmakaya, the reality body Buddha, then all the individual beings and objects are parts of that whole. In order for this universe to exist as it is, it requires that each and every individual being and thing manifest their uniqueness. To be able to see the perfection of wisdom, the prajnaparamita, expressed through different beings and forms, is to meet ourselves in all of life. To listen deeply to the life experience of those who are different than us, is to offer ourselves the opportunity to become more intimate with the vast range of human experience. And likewise, to be completely and uniquely ourselves is to be one with the Dharmakaya.

Gender, like all forms, is empty. And yet it still matters to the experience of our lives and how we're able to practice. To see it as everything is a mistake, and to see it as nothing is a mistake. Form matters. The conditions of our lives matter. They are the Dharmakayas that we have available to us. The way that we become intimate with the experience of being human. To ignore our differences is to do ourselves and others a disservice. Yet these differences mean nothing in relation to our ability to awaken. If we are to succeed in creating a world that is more just and equitable, it will be not in spite of our differences, but because of them. What we gain by opening ourselves up to ever-widening circles of diversity and inclusion is the delight and the exquisite pain that comes with the ability to witness the inconceivable ways that emptiness manifests through form.

To study and honor the women ancestors is just one way to enter into this adventure. And to recognize their contribution to the creation of the world that we now live in is to acknowledge that they are actually us. And we are them. And I just want to end my part by offering a poem, a short poem. And this is from another book called The Daughters of Emptiness, which is a compilation of poems by Chinese Buddhist practitioners, women. And another ancestor, Liangai is her name. And her enlightenment poem is:

She'll only say that the world is empty,

although it sometimes manifests as form.

But its emptiness is not inherently empty,

nor is its form inherently form.

Emptiness and form are inherently non-existent,

lacking existence, what is there to preserve?

Debating about dust is a moose's howl.

Speaking about truth is the lion's roar.

That's what I have to share with you today, so I'm going to pass it back to Pamela.

Thank you, Darshana. Thank you, Darshana. I just have a couple of visual aids I thought you might like to see. This first item is our program. It's not the program for the whole weekend, but it is the program for the ritual that was the only public part of our program. And I'm going to share it with you, and I'm going to embarrass probably my friend Michelle here, who saved my bum because I was having a lot of problems getting this thing to print on double-sided on a right-sized paper. And she came to my rescue, so many bows to Michelle. Thank you.

So this is the program. And if you can tell, there's a bunch of columns, and they got folded into an accordion, and it went into the kimono. And these lotuses blossoming in the mud, this is a watercolor painted by our own Paula Arai. And then here's the second page where we list our Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and Western mothers. So I wanted you to be able to see that.

I also have some other things to share with you. Let's see if I can get out of that one. And just a couple of images from the weekend, which I thought you'd like. This is after the ceremony. At the very last piece of the ceremony, we had a moment where we just were completely with each other, I guess is the way to describe it. And I wanted you especially to see the altar. So some of you are familiar with Chikotis altar. There's the regular altar. There's our Buddha. But we had another altar in front. And these are all female Bodhisattvas up here. I don't know if you can see them all. Mike Guanyin is there. There's Prajnaparamita. Another time I'll show you all of them. But there's a bunch of Buddhists up there. And these candles are when we offered illumination, right? We each went up and lit those candles. We also each went up and offered the fragrance of compassion through offering incense. And these lotus flowers, you can see, we also each offered. You can't see it very well, but there's a little tiny natural pearl on a little tiny purple pillow that Paula and I made that little purple pillow for our little tiny pearl that we passed around. So this is at the very end. We were just gazing into each other's eyes and mostly sobbing. So it was a wonderful moment.

And then I'll show you one more picture. And then show and tell is over. Hang on. Close that. Monica hasn't seen this shot. And I think she's going to be pleased to see it. Hang on. Okay. So this is pretty much afterwards. And you can see all of us in front of the altar. On the far left is Judy Reyes. There's Darshana. And I'm in the middle. Carolyn Dilley and Paula Arai. And we were pretty. Touched at this point. And holding hands. Masks off. So that's the show and tell.

The other thing I want to share with you is that just as soon as you're in the middle of the altar, you can see that. That. Just as Sujata offered her golden bowl to Shakyamuni. Sitting under that banyan tree. I felt that we were offering vows in gratitude to the Buddha. To his teachings. And in gratitude to. To all the people. And to all the matriarchs. Whose names we do know. And whom we can study and remember. And we are making this offering to Soto Zen. It's not for us. It's for everybody. To all the women and all the men of the way. Including you. And I'm grateful to all of you for the benefit of all beings.