Susan grew up in Vermont and came to San Francisco in 1980. A circuitous route led her to formal practice with Sojun Mel Weitsman at BZC in 1991, where she immediately felt at home. She received lay ordination from him in 1995. She left temple practice later when she and her husband were raising their child, returning when their daughter began high school. She was the head student (Shuso) in 2015 and was given Lay Entrustment by Sojun in 2019. Susan teaches English as a Second Language at Contra Costa College in San Pablo. She enjoys singing, gardening, backpacking, and her life in Berkeley.

Full Transcript

Good morning everyone. I'm really happy to be here with you today. And I want to say thank you to Joel for the invitation. I hope that you and all your sangha members are well, that your family and friends, your neighbors are staying well during this challenging time we continue to live through.

Let's take a minute to be with the enormity of the times we're living in with all of the suffering and hardships throughout the world. The war in Ukraine. The ongoing pandemic the loss it's brought to so many. The drought. The climate crisis and here in our beautiful state that's approaching. As we move into summer and climate changes bringing impermanence clearly to the forefront everywhere. With all the uncertainties we face.

And while we're all that, we might wonder how to practice, how to find stillness how to find joy. Right in the middle of chaos divisions violence. We sometimes wonder if practice matters, or look at signs of how it matters. Certainly we're all here because we have great faith in this practice we've taken up this practice. We dedicate ourselves to this practice. We vow to practice together. And we're ever so fortunate to have the opportunity to practice together in this way. In these times.

Last week I was on spring break. And my husband and I went to Mendocino for a few days we parked the car and stayed in town and never drove at all while we were there we just walked and walked and walked and it was, you know, just wonderful to be on all that beauty, all that quiet. And on the last morning we were out on the bluffs adjacent to the town. And I began to see groups of seals, maybe 5, 6, 7 in a group. Swimming north together. We sat down on the rocks to watch. And over a period of about two hours, I counted 30 groups of seals in that same formation five or six or seven of them swimming together, swimming north.

The thought came to mind. Oh, continuous practice. That's what it's all about. That's what they're out there doing. They don't ponder what to do they just swim right. That's their practice. Their migration. The great swimming migration, they're wired to swim. In the middle of all the problems in the world they're just following their unique life practice continuously. I found it so inspiring. Thrilling actually.

It made me think of something our founder and former Abbott at Berkeley Zen Center, Sojun Roshi Mel Weitsman used to say, he used to say, the whole world is doing Zazen. So I started letting that phrase, continuous practice, roll around throughout the past week. And I kept seeing those seals swimming in the mind's eye. And I wondered, what are we wired to do? What's our practice in these times? What does continuous practice really mean? How do we practice continuously and how do we not practice continuously? So, these are some of the questions that I want to explore a little bit with you today.

Dogen says that continuous practice is the circle of the way. And he says, the power of this practice means that you yourself practice as an ancestor of Buddhas. Your life is a fortunate outcome of the continuous practice of the past. Dogen Roshi calls this the ring of the way, the rhythm of our practice. And he says we follow this by keeping our attention on the breath. He says that the basis of continuous practice is to always have a full breath, a deep breath that goes beyond the chest, right down to the abdomen.

He says that one should always be aware of the breath, but that sometimes it's in the background, and sometimes it's in the foreground. And sometimes it's in the background is always just doing what it does in and out, and we might not even be aware of it. But we acknowledge that it's always there supporting this great life. And we're grateful for that support. And he says, when he's feeling anxiety, or fear or some kind of unease, when the mind's moving around wildly maybe, or when there are strong emotions. Then he says we prime the breath. That's the word he used. Prime the breath.

And he says we can do that by taking a very deep breath and filling up the lungs. He says think of the waist as a big tire, and fill it up. And then let the breath out. Do that a couple times or three times and let it out. And watch the breath settle. If you're feeling anxious anywhere, just take a pause to prime the breath, because it calms us. He says what saves us is the breath. One breath at a time.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a difficult situation. Could be on the cushion or off the cushion. And the thought really comes, we can't stay and we can't leave. Once we take up this practice we realize we can't stay and we can't leave. So what do we do. Right. We take a deep breath at a time. Our whole body mind focused on one breath at a time. This is basic Zen practice.

So when the pandemic started, we were online 100% for three full semesters. And almost immediately we were bombarded with all of these workshops, webinars, conferences, all online on how to become an effective online teacher. So we were kind of overload of information and teachers started asking for what became known as wellness workshops. You know, just yearning for some space or some freedom from all the information coming at us.

So, I started to offer what I called online non denominational meditation instruction, once a week. And I did that for three semesters. And there was a young man who started coming. He told me that he thought about starting a meditation practice before for a long time, but he hadn't gotten around to it. And he decided that now was a good time to do that. Because he had just been diagnosed with a large brain tumor, and he was scheduled to have some surgery some pretty invasive surgery, several weeks down the line. He told me there was so much fear and anxiety. I remember that first day he received the instruction. He just took to it with great beauty. His posture, his receptivity, the grace of his being, how he held himself.

I think that we come to practice through some particular hardship, some difficulty in our life. But Sojun Roshi said that actually we come to practice because we want to express the self. The big self, the universal self, the self that wants to practice continuously. And we see this in each other. And it inspires us. And it encourages us over and over. This continuous practice I think is simply our life. It's nothing special.

Apparently Sojun Roshi knew Master Hua, who was a Chinese monk in the Chan tradition, who helped to bring Buddhism to America. And Sojun said that one time Master Hua was visiting, and he said that everything is a test. And if you see that as practice, then you don't get stuck because it'll just be another opportunity. And Sojun said, don't see the sky as falling, even though actually the sky actually is falling. Don't see it as falling. Just find a way to dance with it.

So that's pretty hard practice. The world is in such turmoil today. How do we find our balance? How do we remain upright? How do we not get caught? What does it mean to dance with that? The secret is to be one with our activity and the breath.

I remember Sojun once told us that there were raging emotions pulsing through him, often at the state of the world. Those were his words, raging emotions pulsing through him. You know, I was kind of surprised at first, and then I thought, yeah, why not? But he said, I can still be grounded in practice. And if we do that, we can influence our surroundings as the world goes on. He says we can't really despair, because we'll go crazy. So we take care of our surroundings. Day by day. Not losing our composure.

We're dealing with this all the time, right? Continuous practice. Nothing special. Little by little, we experience practice becoming easier when we do this. When we learn, when we practice being with the constancy, coming back to the constancy, remembering the constancy, the rhythm. The continuing practice of our life. When we don't separate ourselves. How do we actually maintain our presence of mind in every situation and not get caught. Sojun calls this freedom. He says we find freedom in the tightest of spots. We can learn to open up to what's right there in front of us, around us. Try not to grab onto anything.

When we learn to be in that group. It's all one. Okay. Separate but also one. Everything is communicating with those seals, saying something to them. They learn to listen and to relate to all of it. If they don't, if we don't, then the situation can take over and not really work very harmoniously.

I used to practice and teach basket making a long time ago. And one time I took a workshop with a Native American elder up north. And she was a very accomplished basket maker. And she told us many things, but I remember this in particular. She said, okay, you need a plan. And you need a lot of experience. And it's important to have a plan and to think carefully about how to execute the plan so that you can be there with the basket that you're about to make. And you need to be right there. You need to focus. You need to put your attention on the materials and your hands. You need to be with the materials, work with the materials, respect the materials, and then you need to be willing to let go at some point and realize that the basket is going to be different than what you were thinking. Because the basket has its own life. It has a life of its own. And you're just a part of it. And if you fight that, you don't listen to the materials, if you don't listen to the basket, the situation will take over and you're going to have a mess. And learn to relate to the basket, to the situation. Learn to let go and learn to trust the materials. They have a life of their own. And you'll be amazed at what might happen.

So I think activity, all activity is kind of like this. Continuous practice, right? No gap. No separation. Letting go of our ideas. Letting go of our control. Suzuki Roshi said, don't be selfish. Approach each thing as if you have no idea what it is. Pretty hard to do. But Zen practice emphasizes this, this continuous practice.

And I want to read you something that Suzuki Roshi said. He says, constancy is our continuous practice. We should always live in the dark, empty sky. Because the sky is always the sky. Even if the clouds and lightning come, the sky is not disturbed. Even if the flashing of enlightenment comes, our practice forgets all about it. Then it's ready for another enlightenment. So it's necessary for us to have enlightenment one after another. If possible, moment after moment.

So he's talking here about enlightened activity. Suzuki Roshi always emphasized activity when he talked about enlightenment. Not enlightenment, but enlightened activity. The stuff of our ordinary lives. Activity after activity, right? We should be here in those activities. One right after the next. Pretty difficult. So we practice. He's encouraging continuous practice. He's encouraging us to let go of everything. Even our ideas about enlightenment. Maybe especially our ideas about enlightenment. Keep swimming. Keep being in the next wave, the present wave. That's where we can discover ordinary mind, right? Always fresh or new or flexible. Always available to how circumstances are changing. Embracing impermanence. It's how we learn to let go. It's how we learn to go beyond pain. It's how we learn to be less self-centered. And more relational. Inclusive. It takes a long time to understand this in our bones. So it's why we have to practice with complete devotion and effort.

Right? We have to be able to do that. Right? Sometimes we have difficulties with another person. Or persons. We have preconceived ideas. That get right in the way of meeting a person. Right where she is. Right where he is. We have to be able to understand who a person is. And we may not like what we think we know. We may not feel aligned. Or in agreement. With a person in some way. We may not know who we think the person stands for. We're living in a time of great division. Between people. It can prevent us from being open to the person. And it's a continuous practice.

My father lived. Until he was 95. And I brought him here. The last two years of his life. He lived independently most of that time. He was a very kind person. He lived in a small nursing home near us. So that I could visit him every day. He'd had some. Physical. Problems that required a lot of assistance, but his mind was clear as a bell. My father was a lifelong. Friend. He was a very kind person. He and another resident. They were both in wheelchairs. And they were both sharp. Mentally. Became friends. And it turns out that she was a. A well known. An old, well known leftist liberal in Berkeley. And. She was a very kind person. And we didn't know that about each other. It never came up in that setting. My dad called that setting the last stop. And, you know, he had literally been peeling off layers one by one. Is the way he saw it. You know, I'm. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. But I was. Quite alive as well.

And one day that woman came to me. And she said, your father is such a gentleman. We were coming to a room. We were wheeling down the hall. And your father backed his wheelchair up. So that I could enter the room before him. And she said, I've never had a man do that before. Your father is such a gentleman. And. You know, I've always remembered that that's some time ago, but I've always remembered that because what struck me is that. If those two folks had met some years back. And they knew about each other's politics. I don't think they would have been caught dead in the same room. I really don't. Instead, they met each other. You know where they were. Right at the end of their lives. They were very open. They were flexible. They laughed together. Upright in their wheelchairs. Enjoying each other's company.

I'm going to read a very short paragraph from. Katagiri. Roshi. It's. Perhaps you've read this essay. It's called to live is just to live. It's in a collection that was edited by John Daido. Loori. The art of just sitting. So it goes like this. Based on Shakyamuni Buddha's experience. And the experience of the Buddhist in the past. The main point of Dogen Zenji's teaching is that Zazen. Is to just become present in the process. Of Zazen itself. It's not something you acquire after you've done Zazen. It's not a concept of the process. It's to focus on the process itself. And the process is you. All we have to do is do what we're doing. Right now. Right here. Whatever kind of experience we have through Zazen is secondary. Whatever happens. All we have to do is to be constantly present. And to be in the middle of the process of Zazen. This is the beginning and also the end. You can do it. It's open to all people. Whoever they are. And that's the continuation of becoming one with the process of living. That's all. This is the essence of living. The truth of living is just to live. This is a very simple practice.

So I'm thinking that perhaps our practice is like art. It's the art of practicing the life we have. Being right here with what we have right now. Immersing ourselves in our life. And it's kind of like the place where the past and the future meet right here in the present. Right here in the present. And it's actually our only time. So we're all learning to appreciate every step of the way, right, from now to now to now to now. Continuous practice, right? Just like those seals upon the coast, swimming north, migrating. Living the continuous practice life of a seal while we're living the continuous practice life of a person here. In all the places where we are on the screen and in our homes and everywhere, right?

So that's what I have to say about continuous practice. And I'm really interested to hear what you have to say about continuous practice, what's your experience with it.

And it's my understanding, Joel, that we have some time to chat and share that, right?

Yes, absolutely.

Thank you. Thank you all so much.